I don’t need an award before I know I am a survivor and I have grown to become self reliant and sufficient. These are the things I as a strong independent woman want from a man
1. Someone who pulls his own weight.
I have no problem “caring” for someone else, but I do not want to “take care” of someone, meaning someone who expects me to do most of the work. A relationship is a two-way street. If he cannot help me financially, he needs to be useful in the house and in my life one way or the other. I too, need taking care of
2. His Intelligence and drive match my own.
I am sensually stimulated by deep conversations and intelligence. It’s important to look for a partner who can keep up with me. I’ll need someone with whom I can match wits. I’ll want to bounce ideas off of them without those ideas going directly over their head.
3. Love and Kindness
I am where I am because I have been hurt and I have healed, my guards are up now and it may not be easy to let them down. We often get coined for being the “bitch”, “emotionless” and “too strong.” But truth is, in order for us to be a “strong independent woman” we have to go through a ton of trials and tribulations to keep us there. I stand my ground on decisions because when I don’t, no one listens to me. Even when I’m vulnerable, I do not have a choice but to show confidence. It has become a habit. Deep inside, compassion is what I really need, so I want a kind motional man who is strong enough to make me feel protected while at it.
4. I Don’t Want to Be the Sole Proprietor of Her Life
I love running my own business but I no longer want to do everything by myself. I want a man whose independence makes me feel good enough to ask for help. Inside of me lives a wounded little girl who sorely wants a relationship. Don’t write me off so quickly. I want to feel that somehow someone feels responsible for me. I want that man to embrace my indolence but also allow me to lean on him
5. A man who’ll understand when I crave my alone time
I’m used to being alone. I have grown to enjoy my solitude. I want a man who won’t sulk when I ask for some alone time. He must understand that I love him and enjoy his company but I really also grow and thrive with new ideas when I’m by myself. No need to sugar coat things, I RELISH my alone time. I find solace in my gym routines and curling up with a good book and some wine after a long day seems absolutely PERFECT. I hope there’s a man out there for me who’ll understand this and give me the space that I need
I hope he’s also able to do his own thing because we’re partners in love, not conjoined twins.
I want an ongoing friendship with my man. Have lived life by cultivating friendship and appreciating loyalty. What I don’t need is a man who cannot be my friend. The surest way to earn my respect and my heart is to allow me to be who I am and also be playful with me like my female friends will be. When we’re friends, you won’t get easily offended by my quirks, you’ll understand me easily and know that this is who I am
7. Most importantly, I want a good man in my life.
I need a man—for intimacy, support, travel, and shared experiences of sorrow, joy, and appreciation for the simple pleasures of life. But in all, a good man will make relationship/marriage easy. He worries about hurting my feelings and he respects himself enough not to take advantage of me. Maybe I should have made this my number one, but I guess I saved the best for last.
Source: Diary of a Naija Girl
Photo Courtesy: Radiant London Salon