They say marriage is not a noun but a verb, it is not something you get but something you do. It is the way you love your partner every day. However, as you try to love your partner every day, you must also try to stay away of some things that may hinder all what you have been trying to work on.
- Disgust: John Gottman, a foremost expert in the field of marriage and family studies, can predict whether or not a couple will get divorced with 91 percent accuracy. As he observes couples, one of the main communication errors he looks for is contempt. “Contempt” includes “sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor.” It is essentially reacting with disgust toward your partner. When you show contempt toward your spouse, problems don’t get resolved, and it destroys your husband’s or wife’s self-esteem.
- Erotic Movies: Pornography powerfully impacts people’s lives and relationships. In fact, scientists found that pornography literally changes your brain. In regards to love and sex, Fight the New Drug explains, “In one of the most comprehensive studies on porn use ever conducted, researchers found that after being exposed to softcore sexual material, both men and women were significantly less happy with their partner’s looks, willingness to try new sex acts, and sexual performance. Even being exposed to porn just once can make people feel less in love with their significant other.”
- Last place: Illness, children and careers often take priority, but spouses shouldn’t always come in last place. If your spouse is consistently paying attention to everyone and everything but you, that is a problem. Partner neglect is a real thing, and it is a silent relationship killer. Our site often gets emails from people who feel abandoned by their husbands or wives. Their stories are heartbreaking. Spouses need to make sure that each other’s needs are being met.
- Vices: A “vice” includes any immoral conduct. Does your partner lie? Cheat? Steal? Does he or she break the law? Your spouse’s misconduct not only affects their life; it affects your life as well. If your spouse gets sued, goes to jail or goes bankrupt for his or her actions, it is going to follow you wherever you go.
- Rage: There is a huge difference between anger and rage. Couples are obviously going to get mad or annoyed at each other from time to time. But rage is completely different and much more intense. If your spouse lashes out in uncontrollable hatred and fury, that is neither normal nor healthy.
- Cheating: Infidelity is never acceptable. A strong, healthy marriage requires complete faithfulness. Authors Joy and Gary Lundberg explain in their article, “10 ways you are being unfaithful to your spouse and don’t even know it,” that cheating includes flirting with co-workers, confiding to someone of the opposite gender, talking negatively about your spouse, spending time alone with someone of the opposite gender, dressing to attract someone other than your spouse, and withholding sex as punishment.
- Hitting: Physical, verbal and emotional abuse are never acceptable in a marriage. If your spouse hits, punches, degrades or humiliates you, get help. Even if you are married, you should never be forced to have sex against your will.