Often time when we do wrong or offend our spouse, we try to always make amend by asking for forgiveness, which comes with the promise of not repeating the same mistake again. Because our no 1 priority is to always make our spouse happy and comfortable around us.
Knowing how to win your partner goes a long way. why? we need the trust back; we need the love back, and lastly we need the backing of our spouse.
Dr. Ellen Bader of the Couple’s Institute has a 5 step formula for creating a genuine apology to your spouse:
- Describe the offense: So, this process is quite simple, you and your spouse both know the offense you may have committed and the reason why you are asking for forgiveness. Telling your partner the mistake you made will do two things; the first would be accepting you made a mistake and asking for forgiveness means you are being humble; the second thing it would do is creating room for a conversation because you have opened your partner’s heart and yours. Let the conversation begin from there on…
- Describe how your partner must feel: I am sure you can understand your partner’s mind and thoughts regardless of how long you have been dating. Put your partner in your shoes and describe the feeling to your partner. for example, I know you would be so mad at me that I could behave so immature and careless after all we have been through.. you know how much trust and respect I have for you.., just open up your mind and let your mind lead you to say the words.
- Describe why you did it: We must all be responsible for any actions we make. There must have been a reason why you did what you did.. Let your partner know the reason. Do you need more attention? do you need more fun? say it all.
- Describe what you would do to change: This step is very important. What do you want to do to change? I am sure for asking for forgiveness, you must have made up your mind that you want to be a better person to your partner. So it should be easier telling your partner things you would do to correct your mistake. This would automatically win your partner over and will make him/her reason with you.
- Describe a self-imposed penalty if you do not change: You said you would you change right? what happens if you do not change? what should your partner do? and what penalty are you willing to give yourself if you do not change?
I believe following these five important steps for a sincere apology would solve so many heartaches and headaches any partner may be feeling. Be the man/woman your partner would be proud of.